My hand turned me down
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
