Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
