If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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