I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
