Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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