my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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