Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
