my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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