I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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