I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
