just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
