i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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