she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
