dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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