oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
