For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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