Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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