we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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