I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
