About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
