Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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