Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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