she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
