12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
someone owes me an orgasm
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
