I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize