You made me cry and you don't even care
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
