yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
