i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
