I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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