I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
