dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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