the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
