every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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