We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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