i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need a beard to bite.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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