I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just gift wrapped bread.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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