how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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