but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
