...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
