My first STD was from a foam party
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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