I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
