butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
