So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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