Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She's the barista slut.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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