well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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