Dual....:-)
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
