Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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