You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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