He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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