Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
