i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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