3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
