so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
