I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
