I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize