Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
