we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
