my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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