I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
