long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
