i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
