at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
