Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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