Cold hands, warm shart.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
