I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
