About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
