i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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