i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
