I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
