okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
