I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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