if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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