The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
