you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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