Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize