I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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