dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
