either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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