when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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