Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
