You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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