I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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