i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
