then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
