fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
