never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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