I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
