my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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