If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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