I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
