"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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