8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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