The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize