Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need moral support for this bender
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
