omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
