btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize