He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize