And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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