Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
